Gold Star
by krfan
Summary: He never thought his life would end up like this. He was supposed to be wearing an expensive suit, sitting beside all those Broadway hotshots in some theater in NYC instead of wearing shirts and jeans, alone in his living room in Lima Ohio.
1. Chapter 1

He stared at the TV as she glided through the red carpet in the arms of another man, a Broadway star just like herself, who reminded him so much of that St. James kid. She looked beautiful, as she always did. Not even years and age had changed that. Granted, it was only around 7 years since he's last seen her and yet he couldn't help but think that the expensive dress she's wearing and the make-up was no help at all. From what he could remember, she didn't need help at all in looking beautiful.

He never thought his life would end up like this. Eight years ago, if you would ask him how he sees himself in this moment of her life, it would be very different than this one. He was supposed to be wearing an expensive suit, sitting beside all those Broadway hotshots in some theater in NYC but he is here right now, wearing shirts and jeans, alone in his living room somewhere in Lima, Ohio.

The thing about regret is that you can't always foresee it. But if there's one shining light out of all of this, it would be that he was right. He had no doubt about this moment, it was bound to happen to her. Hearing her name called out as a nominee brought such joy and pride in his heart. He can't take credit for any of it, because it was her and her talent that brought her there. But silently he was somehow congratulating himself for letting her go because otherwise he might just have dragged her down those few years ago. She had her own future planned before he came into her life, and when he was in it, she figured him out into it too. The thing about his sixteen year-old self was that he didn't know much, not just academically. He didn't know what he wanted in his life, except that he wanted out of Lima and then when he had her, to be with her for the rest of his life. To be with her at this moment. Except that getting himself into that moment, he didn't know. And as much as she would most likely have helped him figure that out, he knew he had to figure that out for himself because if he ever messed up, he would mess her up even more.

Almost an hour has passed and it was time for her category to be awarded. It was no surprise to him at all that they called her name. Her name was beautiful, he loved saying it then. It was a name for a star and that's what she is now. As she walked up that stage to receive that award, he can see tears in her eyes. And they zoom in on the guy she's with as he stares admiring her. That should've been him. Regardless, he's pretty sure if he looked in the mirror now, his face would show the same look of pride and admiration. Maybe even more, love.

_Wow, this is amazing! I would like to thank my dads who have nurtured and encouraged my dream from the very start. Many people in the past have criticized me and looked down on me because I'm different. I look different, I dress different, and my dreams are different. But here I am now. And to my gold star, thank you so much for believing in me._

A tear fell from her eye as she said that last line directly to the camera, holding on to the gold star pendant of a very familiar necklace he didn't see she was wearing until now.

I started writing this after Silly Love Songs and procrastinated a bit until I finally came around to finishing this today. I'm thinking of writing Rachel's POV but I'm not sure yet. This is my first Glee fic.


	2. Chapter 2

The lights from the camera almost blinded her eyes as she walked the red carpet in the arms of another man, a Broadway star just like herself, so like herself that he seems more like a friend than a boyfriend. She's wearing an elegant dress that wasn't a fuss to put on. She has never bothered with clothes until now, only because her job makes it necessary. Getting ready earlier in the day has been fun, much like it has been for these events she has attended the past few years. This is not her first awards show, there has been plenty before, but this is the first one where she is nominated. And there has been buzz that she would win; almost all of the critics were rooting for her. That's why sitting in front of her dresser earlier, dress on, hair fixed, she stared at her two choices to ice her whole look. It wasn't much of a choice really; her stylist didn't give her a choice. There was only one necklace that came with the whole ensemble but there she was with an open Tiffany box in front of her but looking at the gold star necklace willing herself to choose. It was perfect for her, he got that part right. It was a gold necklace with a gold star pendant, star being a metaphor for her being a star. It would've meant so much to her if she received it under the intended circumstance. After that, gold stars became a metaphor for him, for their story. She was the star and he was the one hopefully still looking up to the sky, waiting for her to shine. It is still in its green Santa box, she left it there after her Valentines dinner with her friends years ago. It's only now that she's opened it and even considered to wear it. It's only fitting isn't it? For her to wear this no matter how unconventional it is and her stylist would most likely flip. It was sort of his parting gift, a gift to send her off to her certain successful future. Certain not only in her eyes, but in his too.

Ever since she can remember she has always pictured her future like this: flashing lights, deafening applause, standing ovations and paparazzi and fans on her trail. She wanted it so much there was just no way it wouldn't happen. Until he happened in her life. For the first time ever, Rachel Berry wanted something as much as seeing her name in a marquee. But being sixteen and naïve about relationships, she screwed it up. They screwed it up. It was one big mess that neither of them knew how to correctly fix. Maybe she could've fixed it herself, and he will most likely go through with whatever her plan was. But it would be just like the first time, he would brush things off as if they didn't happen and she would make sure that things were okay. And that's not really fixing things. Because if she was being honest with herself, he needed to know what he wanted and figure himself out, on his own and without her help. She said it before, her dreams are bigger than him, but she would've fought tooth and nail to figure him into those dreams. When it was him who told her she needed to be alone for a while and have no one hold her back, she didn't like it. But the conviction and encouragement in his words convinced her. He was finally trying to grow up and fix things by himself. She's proud of him for that, if only it didn't mean she won't be there with him.

She doesn't like regrets. She's a planner, a controllist, as he put it. She plans everything in her life so that there will be no room for regret. That's why when this man in her arm asked her out, she said yes. It's been years since that mess and she didn't want to regret holding on and putting that part of her life on hold so she gave the guy a chance. And he was nice, driven and interested in her. Enough to keep her company, to make her happy and wanted. They've been dating a few months and though he has said those three words to her, she hasn't found the courage to say it back. Maybe because she doesn't really believe that he loves her that much, or in _that_ way. Or, she just really doesn't love him. The past eight years hasn't changed her heart, or at least, who her heart wants. Not even the success or the fine men around her could change it. She wants simple and innocent, sweet yet strong. She wants the sense of protection and security that can envelope her whole heart and body like a warm blanket with just an embrace.

After what seemed like eternity, the time finally came. Hearing her name being called as the winner felt surreal, even though she has rehearsed her reaction and speech for this moment since she was five years old. She came up to the stage to accept the award, smiling with tears forming in her eyes. The time is finally here. "_Wow, this is amazing! I would like to thank my dads who have nurtured and encouraged my dream from the very start. Many people in the past have criticized me and looked down on me because I'm different. I look different, I dress different, and my dreams are different. But here I am now. " _Looking at the audience she saw her boyfriend staring adoringly at her and it momentarily saddens her that it's not the same face she dreamed she would see at this moment. "_And to my gold star, thank you so much for believing in me", _she continued, looking far into the camera unconsciously clutching the star hanging near her heart.

The Rachel part is a lot longer than Finn's because we somehow think along the same lines so it's easier for me to write her. Thank you so much for all of you who read, reviewed and put this on alert.


End file.
